An essay on "The Catcher in the Rye" in the style of "The Catcher in the Rye"

I’ll just tell you about this madman Holden Caulfield a little bit. Not his whole damn autobiography or anything, but just what I told D.B. Anyway, Holden goes around to bars trying to give girls the time. That kills me. And he always talks about his dead brother and how great his goddam sister is and all. I think he's some big phony. He's always talking about how annoying everyone else is and how he wants to run away to live in the woods and save a buncha kids from falling off a damn cliff, but he does the same thing everyone else does. I really get a bang out of that. You take a guy like Holden, he never tells the truth to people. What a phony. He's probably flitty. I mean he can never get really sexy with a girl. You know, really sexy. I can be very sexy sometimes. I once kissed this girl Jane Gallagher all over her face and all, but she didn't let me kiss her lips. She damn near made me wanna give her the time and all. Women kill me. Anyway, Holden really drove me crazy while I was talking to him so I just left and I figured I’d call up old Jane Gallagher or something, but after a while I started to miss Holden. You know, how when you have to shoot the crap with some guy about how they want to run off and live in the woods, but then you don't see them for a few weeks and you start to think what a nice guy they are and all that crap. You probably don't understand. You're probably just some phony who never does nothing you say you're gonna do. Reminds me of a guy I once knew, some kid who just wrote blogs all day long that nobody really gave a damn about. It was a sad thing to see though, it really was. You know the part that really got me? The part that sometimes he thought he was actually clever. Stuff like that always kills me. It really does.